The Wonders Of My World...

written 11/23 @ 3:51 a.m.

why do i do this to myself? i throw myself headfirst into these situations with no type of protective gear. i give my heart and in return im stuck in my bed crying my eyes out with a whole bunch of questions running through my mind. what did i do wrong? why do you need someone else? am i not pretty enough? why did i let myself fall so deep? why weren’t you falling with me? i feel like an innocent bystander thats been part of a tragic accident. i’m badly injured and i’m trying to recover from something that i was never supposed to be a part of. emotionally, i feel like i’m at my lowest and i’m going to have to go through hell and back to build myself back up. how do you recover from something like that? how do you cope? i could hear all the “i told you so”s already. every one has gut feelings and little voices in the back of their heads/hearts that they don’t want to face, but when you’re finally face to face with the truth, that shit hurts more than a break up. when you are told everything that you don’t want to hear and you have to shake hands with your fears it is probably one of the worst feelings ever. it’s to early for me to say what i’ve taken from this whole experience. i don’t want to be a cold hearted person. i don’t want to build these high ass walls around me. i don’t want to be scared to love. i want to experience love one day. i want to know how it feels for someone to be in love with me. i want the future man of my life (if there is one) to meet this alkin. the one who would give him the world. the one who cares a little to much, laughs a little to much, and loves a little to much. but he won’t. it would be very dumb to put myself in this same situation with another. poor thing, i feel bad for my own self lol. hopefully, i’ll get it together. it’s just sad that me loving and caring for someone with all my heart is what got me in this situation.

                            note 2 self: stop loving. stop caring.

Peace.Love.Happiness.Music

Woot, Woot!

Anywho time to go jogging!

Peace.Love.Happiness.Music

I’m in love with my best friend…

and you would think that, that would be awesome but its really one of the worst feelings ever. Honestly, the only reason I think I’m entertaining guys that I shouldn’t be paying any attention too is because of that. I’m so ready to be so over it that I’ll turn to whoever just to get my mind off of him, hoping in the long run that they could get my heart off of him to.

Peace.Love.Happiness.Music

i remember a time when love songs narrated our story

and our hearts became each other’s territory

times when being “a little bit in love” were not enough to describe us

in the merriam-webster we would most likely be found under the adjective amorous

but now we are so far gone from each other

trying to find that same affection from another

i exude patience, waiting for the day you change your mind

but as time goes, the days seem longer and just fall behind

singing the melodies of sad tunes

our memories invade my head at moments that are inopportune

and in that instant i could still feel your kiss on my lips

and your hands on my hips

i take trips through my flashbacks

having sudden love attacks

seeking that same adoration that was shown to me on oh five oh seven

when i could of sworn i touched heaven

or when you would make me feel like i’m the prettiest woman you’ve ever laid your eyes on

or when we would be so engaged in each other’s words, we wouldn’t hang up the phone til the crack of dawn

all those things plus so much more make me never want to let go…

(I never finished it…. I will one day.)

Peace.Love.Happiness.Music

I HATE BEING SICK.

I COULDN’T FEEL MY FACE.

I ALMOST WANT TO DIE.

Job interview tomorrow…… Woot, Woot!

Peace.Love.Happiness.Music